It’s time for another episode of “Places You Should Go Before You Can Say a Presidential Order Document from One of Your White House German Shepherd Training Blocks!” Yes, recently my wife and three teenage daughters took a week-long family trip to Charleston, SC – also known as “The City Where Every Meal Will Set You Back At Least Two C-Notes.”

Because we love to turn our buns into geologic formations, we hiked the entire 14 hour trip from east Texas to downtown Charleston, stopping only occasionally to sample the delicacies of various wet rooms. from the south, usually at rural gas stations, tempting us with boiled peanuts and pickles. in a bag.

Similar to nearby Savannah, Georgia, where we dislocated our vacation credit a few years ago, we’ve noticed that almost everything in Charleston is extremely historic, which means it costs a lot of money to see, and that there is usually a gift shop that sells souvenir fridge magnets. In fact, on our arrival, we immediately transferred some of the change to a travel agent who transported us to the city in a historic-looking wagon behind the scent hindquarters of a Belgian draft horse as the guide showed us the historic detached houses facing sideways. with their big squares – and other historical stuff.

Because we still didn’t have enough historicity, we spent a few more hours (and a hundred dollars) on a guided walking tour through cobblestone streets and through historic alleys where the rear of the horse does. don’t come home.

The historic highlight of our trip was an escapade aboard the Spirit of the Lowcountry through Charleston Harbor to the legendary Fort Sumter. For about the price of one of my daughters’ prom dresses, your family can walk across the harbor and occasionally watch from their cellphones to see the majestic Arthur Ravenel Jr. Bridge, Pinckney Castle, and finally Fort Sumter – where the first one. Civil war shots were fired. While the tour of the fort itself was educational and emotional, the cruise back to Liberty Square included the bonus of a pod of dolphins running a few inches from where we were on the lower deck at the front of the boat – and the dolphins didn’t. t even charge extra.

After each of these tours, we felt ourselves damn historic – and hungry – even hungry enough to eat something like shrimp and grits. And to be honest, seeing the historical aspects of Charleston was definitely something to do between meals. Devouring large amounts of Lowcountry food took up most of our itinerary.

We’ve broken the bank (and our belts) at restaurants like Poogan’s Porch, Millers All Day, Toast! All day long, Rodney Scott’s Fleet Landing and Whole Hog BBQ where we sampled some of the most delicious carbs and saturated fats we’ve had since leaving home. And, yes, Charleston restaurants can even make a dish like shrimp and oatmeal edible, and crab soup doesn’t sound dangerous.

Our trip to Charleston was a truly wonderful experience and I encourage you to plan a visit as soon as you get the chance (or win the lottery). Our three daughters even enjoyed it, with the exception of walking, climbing stairs, and other activities that require physical movement.

Besides enjoying the food to the fullest, we’ve learned a lot about the history of this charming city and its importance in shaping our country’s heritage – and we’ve got the fridge magnets to prove it.

Jase Graves is an award-winning East Texas humor columnist. His articles have appeared in Texas Escapes Magazine, The Shreveport Times, The Longview News Journal, and The Kilgore News Herald. Contact Graves at [email protected]